I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
