i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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