Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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