so explain again why im purple
no
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
