Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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