Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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