Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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