i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
