Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
