i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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