3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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