had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
