turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize