i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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