we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
