They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize