im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
