I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
