the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
