like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
