we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
