I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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