I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
