We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
