I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
