I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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