Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
