hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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