Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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