Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
