this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
