She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
