Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
