He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
