It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
