waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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