worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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