shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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