Already got asked if we're dating
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize