I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
