Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
