do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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