I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
