friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
