Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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