took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
