...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
