Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
