Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
