My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
