So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
