I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
