a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
