he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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