Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
