the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
