i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize