a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
