I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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