My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
