Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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