I cockslap morals
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I believe in your delicious
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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