I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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