people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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