don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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