She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
