think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize