I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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