I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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